After ten years of marriage, two miscarriages, five children, job-changes and all kinds of surprises we’ve learned so much about what a Real Marriage is meant to look like. Yet, so many couples who were once madly in love, now feel distant, overwhelmed, isolated, and hopeless in their marriage. We knew it was time to get in the trenches and start an honest conversation about the gift of a Real Marriage. We began the Real Marriage podcast to help couples find their passion for marriage again. ...
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How Do You Keep Up With Everything?
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The demands on your life are strong. Do you often feel like you can't keep up? Like you are falling behind and missing things you should be keeping up with? One of the most common questions Griffin and Heather get is "How do you do it all?" The true answer is that they don't feel like they do. The feeling is often that we are not keeping up well en…
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Words matter. You can think back to different times in your life where words made a significant impact on your life. It could have been positive or negative but when people speak into your life it leaves a mark, especially when those words come from someone you care about. It's no different in marriage and parenting. Your words to your spouse and k…
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Everyone parents differently. There is no easy or perfect template to parenting that creates the best case scenario with our kids. One thing that is true, though, about parenting is that we are responsible for them. Their growth, their character, their values, etc. Increasingly, it is becoming harder to fight against the influences of our culture t…
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Dreams, Contentment and Surrendering
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Dreams can be difficult. On the one hand we get excited about what could be and striving for more. On the other hand not all of our dreams should be the focus of our attention. How do you balance this in your marriage? Listen to an open conversation about a recent dream that was crushed in Heather's life and how it sparked a great conversation betw…
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While life seems to get busier by the day the distractions seem to come just as quickly. Whether it is aimlessly scrolling through social media, watching the random tv shows or however you fill the ever so small blank space you have in your day-to-day it never seems to help us move forward. In other words, our distractions can hold us back. This ep…
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You probably have many goals for the new year. Getting healthy physically and maybe spiritually. Goals for your kids and relationships. What if sex and intimacy was a part of your goals this year? When God created marriage He made it to where sex is a major component of strengthening and protecting a marriage. It is a blessing that we get to take p…
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Somehow the year is already over. Another year down and 2024 is now to come. One of the practices we try to do often is reflecting on where we have been and what we have been through. For us, 2023 has been full of new challenges as well as circumstances to celebrate. Listen and hear us unpack our takeaways from the year. From challenges with kids a…
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When You Are Growing But Your Spouse Isn't
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Do you ever feel like you and your spouse aren't on the same page? Do you feel like you are headed in two different directions? Sometimes in our marriage one spouse can change as time goes on. Your passions, your beliefs, your core values can grow as you do but your spouse doesn't come along with you. This can be common for many marriages when life…
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Yes, it is a blessing! Last episode we unpacked the burden of parenting. One thing we noticed was how easy it was to think about those ideas. The blessings were a little more in depth to uncover. And that is what makes the blessings so impactful. The role and responsibility of a parent is so unique and so impactful, the blessing play out for decade…
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Parenting is forever. The word "burden" carries a negative connotation but the reality is that parenting is both beautiful and difficult. At the very least the incredible responsibility of parenthood can feel like a burden in one way or another. Because it is so constant and is a role you carry for so long it's worth understanding what the experien…
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How can bitterness negatively impact your marriage? It's one of those things that starts small but if not dealt with it grows into something you can't control. Each of us have frustrations towards our spouse for whatever reason but if we allow feelings to linger it will create issues down the road we won't want to face. Listen and hear Griffin and …
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You've probably heard this before: marriage is 50/50. But is it really? When you step back and think about the different areas of your marriage and the specific roles you play it isn't always equal. Sometimes it's 70/30 or even less. Even the capacity we have in certain seasons to be "all-in" can vary and more often than not one of the spouses is c…
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It's another season change. Summer is usually a time where we try to fit in vacations, find some rest and get the kids into as many things as possible to keep them busy. But if we aren't careful we can easily overdo the schedule and leave the summer feeling more tired and burned out than ever. So, what does a set apart summer look like? Could it be…
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It almost sounds like an outdated word. What does modesty look like is 2023? Is it even something worth focusing on? In part two of our "Set Apart" series we dive into this topic. You will hear Griffin and Heather walk through their process of figuring out as a couple how they wanted to approach modesty. And while it's easy to focus on the surface …
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The longer we are married the deeper our conversations get about who we want to become. We talk a lot about our foundation, the growth areas of our lives and what we truly care the most about. For us, we want a marriage and a life that is set a part. Free from what the world and culture is chasing, which by the way doesn't seem to work out for many…
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Whether it is at work, with kids and parents, your faith and any other relationship you can think of we all prefer values more than rules. No one wants to be dictated to or forced to follow a rigid set of rules because their is no heart to that. Parameters and boundaries are helpful but they are more powerful when they are based around a set of val…
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There is a difference between being busy and being fruitful. Life is jam-packed. You've noticed that there aren't enough hours in the day and that you always have more to get done. The tendency is to believe the lie that being busy is the best way to be. That if you're busy you are moving forward and keeping up. We live in an age of "hustle culture…
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Have you ever been told you are too emotional? What about hearing that you don't show enough emotion? Most likely, your emotional makeup is different between you and your spouse. One of you wears them on your sleeve while the other keeps them close to the vest and doesn't show much at all. This can be a sticking point for many relationships. Not un…
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Do you have clutter in your life? As the weeks and months fly by it becomes so easy to get busy and overwhelmed with everything. We get farther away from what our goals were at the beginning of the year and things begin to pile up. Business becomes a major challenge. It's easy to start losing focus of the main things we should give our attention to…
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The real reason we feel like we have a successful and growing marriage is because of God's involvement in our everyday lives. We talk often about how God has led us or shown us something. So, can you really hear from God? What does that exactly mean and can that happen for you? There are so many questions when it comes to faith but when it comes do…
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Last episode we tried to answer a common question people ask us. How do you balance it all? The truth is that it is very difficult. It's a constant conversation of where we are lacking and how we should adjust. This week we touch on the different area of our life that each of us has had the toughest challenge with balance. Heather speaks on the cha…
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Balancing Marriage, Kids, Work And Ourselves
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One of the most common questions people ask us is how do you balance it all? It's a great question and it's forced us to really think hard about how we approach all that we have going on in our lives. It certainly isn't easy and it was harder in the beginning. For us, believe it or not, it has gotten somewhat easier the more we have added. We have …
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When Your Spouse Needs You The Most
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Fights and disagreements happen for various reasons. Whether it is stress induced, miscommunication, using the wrong tone at the wrong time, etc. conflict is just a part of the marriage equation. So, when your spouse lets you down or puts you in a difficult position how do you handle it? Do you respond with love and patience or are you more prone t…
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It's been nine months since our last episode and so much has happened with the Gilstrap in that time. Covid, new home, new job, new school for the kids and a new baby is just the beginning of our last nine months. We share it all in our first episode of season six along with the challenges we have faced as a couple and as a family throughout the pr…
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In this episode Griffin and Heather give an update on their move to North Carolina and what that means for the future of The Real Marriage Podcast. Thank you for taking this journey with us! We hope to strengthen your marriage one conversation at a time. And don't forget to check out more resources at RealMarriagePodcast.com.…
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How do you know it’s God’s voice? We received this awesome question last week and got really excited to talk about it. Of course, we are Christians and are seeking to grow in our faith every single day. That journey has led to daily wanting to be led by the Lord in our thoughts, decisions and way we live our lives. For us, with so much responsibili…
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Your Greatest Strength Is Your Greatest Weakness
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Your greatest strength is your greatest weakness. At first glance it keep seem a bit odd. But the more you think about personalities it makes total sense. Your strength in one area of your life is great but can create a weakness in other areas. Maybe you are very driven which allows you to thrive at work but it causes you to give less to your famil…
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Stress can come unannounced. Life seems to pile up the challenges quickly. Circumstances can change in an instant and so many things can happen that you just aren't ready for. Griffin and Heather have walked into a season just like this. And even though what they are walking into are all good things the stress has come very fast. In this episode Gr…
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Ten Lessons After Ten Years Of Marriage
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Ten years of marriage. The old cliche is definitely true, time flies when you are having fun! It feels like yesterday that Heather was hitting on Griffin on the first day of our freshman year at Stetson University. And here we are with four kids and one on the way about to move our whole lives to a new state! It's been a great ride. As we reflected…
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Life is full of surprises! We didn't anticipate taking a break this early in the year but so much has happened in March for our family. As overwhelming as our two announcements are we feel incredibly blessed and excited about what God is doing in our lives. Take a listen and hear some big updates from the Gilstrap family! Thank you for taking this …
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Who Should Be Leading Your Marriage?
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Who should be leading your marriage? Should anyone lead a marriage? Isn’t it supposed to be an equal partnership with mutual share of the decision making? Honestly, it can get complicated quickly. Many of us grew up and saw different things. Maybe you were in a single-parent home where a mom had to really step up and take care of a lot of things on…
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Should your marriage make you happy? It seems like an obvious answer. I mean, we didn't get married to feel unhappy with someone for the next 50 years. We want it to be fun and positive. We want to enjoy marriage. But what do we do when our spouse doesn't make us happy? How should we feel when they frustrate us or disappoint us? As much as we want …
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"Rut" - A habit or pattern of behavior that has become dull and unproductive but is hard to change. Yep, we've all been there. Whether it's your job, your schedule, your marriage or even your parenting we've all been in a rut. Our excitement has waned and our enthusiasm for life in general has tumbled as a result. Although these seasons of life are…
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Waiting is hard. Many of us have had to wait to get married, to have kids, to get that promotion or to walk into our dreams. Waiting is a consistent part of our journey and it's something we want to thrive in. The challenge is learning to wait well and to not allow the waiting to be wasted. Because the reality is that the seasons of your life where…
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Most people don't like change. The anxiety of it. The unknowns you have to face. Change is hard for individuals and it can create unexpected stress for your marriage. However, we all understand that change is inevitable. Whether it is having kids for the first time, moving to a new state, changing jobs or a change to your life that you didn't even …
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Don't Lose Yourself In Your Marriage
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How can you make sure you don't lose yourself in your marriage? It's a good question with a complicated answer. God created marriage for two people to become one. It's a lifelong journey of merging two lives together to make something amazing. It takes compromise and sacrifice of yourself to do it well. But, on the other hand, there is something sp…
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“It’s not how you start, it’s how you finish.” Maybe you have heard that quote before from a coach or a parent sometime in your life. It makes sense. It’s all about the finish. But let’s be honest, a good start gets you to the finish you want much quicker. Most people are elated that 2020 is over and 2021 has begun. It’s like a fresh start that we …
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You can’t wait for this year to end. We get it! It’s been a year unlike any other. We have all been challenged in ways we never expected and are hoping that a fresh new year will provide something better. But, before you get ahead of yourself, have you considered how important these next 31 days are? Think about it. 2021 will not magically create a…
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Nothing gets you into the holiday spirit more than some family drama. Let's face it. We all deal with some kind of tension when it comes to our families. It could be a broken relationship, some challenging in-laws or even something one person said years ago that still lingers in the back of your mind. And for whatever reason family drama can be the…
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Purpose – the reason for which something is done or created. The reason for which something exists. Everyone wants to know their purpose. We want to understand why we exist and how we bring value to this world. Whether it be through work, parenting, our marriage or how we serve people we strive to know and feel like we are valuable. We have to know…
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When things are going wrong we all cling to something. How is this season going for you? The pandemic is continuing to linger, the election has been predictably stressful and life in general seems to be confusing and at times, overwhelming. Of course, most of this is out of our control and we can't do a whole lot to change it. So, what do we do? In…
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How intimate is your marriage? Intimacy is key to every marriage. The basic definition of intimacy is "closeness." Many have broken this idea into four categories: spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically. While we all strive to be more intimately connected to our spouse we have to understand that there are subtle ways to kill intimacy in …
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How does money impact your marriage? Research has found that money issues are one of the top five reasons for divorce. And one study found that finances are one of the top two issues couples fight about. Most likely, money has become an issue in your relationship for one reason or another. So, knowing that, how can we approach money in a way that d…
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What comes to your mind when you hear the word forgiveness? Most of us think of a time when someone hurt us. They said something or did something that left a mark. Maybe it was a family member, your spouse or even a decision you made yourself that created a reason to bring unforgiveness into your life. Forgiveness is hard but it is essential. It's …
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Can Two People Really Fall Out Of Love?
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Can two people really fall out of love? It’s a really good question. No one gets married and doesn’t think they are in love. No one really believes five or ten years down the road it isn’t going to work out and you will be looking to start over fresh away from your spouse. However, it is something you hear about. “We aren’t in love anymore.” “We ha…
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Is your bedroom sacred? Before you google what that even means think for a moment about the culture of your home. We all create an environment in our home every day and we should be intentional about what environment is being formed. So, when it comes to your bedroom it may be the most important area for your marriage. It's where "the magic happens…
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How do you deal with your stress? It's a good question. Unfortunately, it's not one we ask enough of ourselves. Stress is simply unavoidable. The nature of our lives creates so many challenges and difficulties that stress is inevitable. It can come from finances, work, family relationships, uncertainty of your future, and the list goes on. Stress i…
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Would you like to have better sex? Okay, don’t answer out loud. But, let’s be honest about a few things. Sex is important. And we want it to be really good because it helps our marriage. So what does that really look like? The world we live in loves to celebrate all kinds of sex outside of the marriage covenant. It's almost as if to say that sex wi…
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Creating A Rhythm For Your Marriage
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We all need a rhythm. Think about it. We love music when it's in a rhythm. When the rhythm of a song is off we can't connect with it. Even if the words are powerful we need the rhythm to be spot on. Have you ever thought that we are the same way with our marriage and our own individual lives? When your lives are out of rhythm everything is affected…
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Let's talk about divorce. We've all heard the statistics that show somewhere near 50% of marriages end in divorce in America. While that number is staggering it also seems as if it's just become common knowledge in our culture. Simply put, no-one who gets married believes it will end in divorce but so many couples eventually end up walking away fro…
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