Dont live in other's eyes 3

Robot Monk Xian'er

问：我总是害怕失败，害怕别人笑话我，于是什么都不敢做。我总是想把事情做到十全十美，虽然我也知道世上无完事，但总会这么想。我从小生活在一个没有人肯定我的家庭中，我还有个妹妹，小时候，她经常不及格，而我总是考班级前几名。可是，我的爸爸总是会鼓励妹妹，夸赞她。而对我，总是大骂，怪我没考满分。

I am always soafraid of failure and ridicule from others that I dare not do anything. Ialways want to make things perfect. Even though I know that there is no perfectthing in the world, I can’t help thinking that way. I grew up in a family wherenobody appreciated me. I have a little sister. She often failed her exams as achild while I was always at the top of the class. However, my father alwaysencouraged and praised her, but tended to scold and blame me for not gettingfull marks.

答：从小内心欠缺爱和鼓励，会有两个方向。一是意识到人永远无法依靠别人，从而更加自信、坚强；二是被打败，一生都活他人的眼光中，敏感、胆小，郁郁不乐。前者是向内求，后者是向外求，想要选择哪一个，自己应该很清楚的。其实，归罪于家人也是一种向外求的表现。

There are two directions for those who have been lack of love andencouragement since their childhood: for one thing, to realize that there isnobody else to rely on, and thus become more confident and stronger; foranother, to be defeated and live a lifetime in others’ eyes, turning intosensitivity, timidness, and depression. The former is to look within, while thelatter is to search outside. You should be quite clear about which one you wantto choose. In fact, complaining about your family members is also a form ofseeking outward.

人不需要取悦别人，而是要用心做好自己。自己承受过孤独和冷漠，就要发愿不要这样去对待别人，要给予别人信心和温暖。用这种心去策励自己成长，只有自我的成长才能痊愈内心的伤痕。

We don't need to please others, but we must do our best by heart. Ifwe suffer from loneliness and indifference, we shall vow to not treat otherslike that, but give confidence and warmth to them. Try to motivate ourselves togrow in such a state of mind. Only self-growth can heal our inner wounds.