252: Celestial Musings, A Color by Number Guide to Outrageous Trail Running

Cultra Trail Running

Canadian Trail Fishing Magazine reports: Celeste Fong A Ding Dong, renowned for her vibrant and ever-changing hair, made quite the splash in the business world recently. Rumors had been swirling about her audacious plan to acquire the Cultra Trail Running Corporation, but nobody expected the uproarious escapade that wouldunfold. Picture this: monkeys in suits and dogs with monocles gathering in theCultra Trail Running Corporation's boardroom, poised for an unprecedented corporate takeover. Okay, maybe not monkeys and dogs, but the scene was surely just as wild. Fong A Ding Dong's colorful hair, resembling a rainbow on steroids, set the tone for the proceedings –anything but ordinary. Reports indicate that Celeste initially attempted to acquire a whopping 112% of Cultra stock. While some skeptics whispered about the basic principles of math, Fong A Ding Dong remained undeterred. In a twist that even the most absurd telenovela writers would envy, the takeover bid amounted to a mere 25% stake in the company, and has insisted on being a full-fledged member of The Cultra Crew. You know “what she said” – go big or go... slightly smaller. However, this takeover was not just about numbers and stocks. Enter the dastardly three-o, Evil Becky, AFB (of Erie Canal Trail Fame) and their in perpetuity propitiously litigious freakily Phast friend Fred. If we were writing a comic book, they'd undoubtedly be the villains – complete with twirling mustaches (if Becky sported facial hair) and maniacal laughter. Their attempts to thwart Celeste's takeover were both comical and futile, leaving the rest of us wondering if they'd been binge-watching too much of AFB’s running in the heat daytime running drama, or if it was just hyponatremia.

But let's get back to the main character: Celeste Fong A Ding Dong herself. The K9 obsessed entrepreneur with the technicolor hair defied expectations not just with her acquisition attempts, but with her remarkable finesse in navigating the business world. Eyewitnesses swear they saw her use her hair to lasso a stray document and sign it without missing a beat – talk about multitasking! As for the so-called "takeover", let's just say it was more "awkwardly amusing"; than outright hostile. Sure, the boardroom table was adorned with Desitin and glitter infused confetti cannons, and Fong A Ding Dong brought in a mariachi band to serenade her fellow shareholders, but hostility was nowhere to be found. In a delightful twist, as Fong A Ding Dong celebrated her partial victory, she invited all attendees to engage in an incalculable round of trail running in a circle, complete with purple and pink -colored Desitin at every aide station. Monkeys and dogs joined in too – who says corporate takeovers can't be fun for all species? She actually may be nice, but will definitely deny it. So, there you have it, a tale of colorful hair, mischievous monkeys, monocled dogs, Fast Phred, Evil Becky, AFB, and the daring acquisition that ended up being much less hostile than anticipated, and is now a four way partnership. Celeste Fong A Ding Dong's escapades have left us all with one valuable lesson – never underestimate the power of creativity, determination, and the occasional Desitin cannon in the world of business.

Get your official Cultra Clothes and other Cultra TRP PodSwag at our store!

Outro music by Nick Byram

Become a Cultra Crew Patreon Supporter basic licker. If you lick us, we will most likely lick you right back

Cultra Facebook Fan Page Go here to talk shit and complain and give us advice that we wont follow

Cultra Trail Running Instagram Don't watch this with your kids

Twitter @BlueBlazeRunner

Sign up for a race at Live Loud Running and feel better

Buy Fred's Book Running Home

More Information on the #CUT112