Two strangers, American and Canadian, go through EVERY Clive Cussler novel, from a (hopefully) modern progressive viewpoint. They also get off on tangents and talk about BETTER books, but there’s so much to love with these nerdy macho time capsules.
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Cussler Hustlers S7 E6: Atonal Cloud Farts
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THE RESISTANCE has come together! THE RESISTANCE is composed of... uhm... all the top elites in Washington, and the NUMA paramilitary forces led by Dirk Pitt. Bougainville continues to solve all of their problems by blowing it up in the most attention-grabbing way possible. The Russians finally reveal themselves to perhaps not be the good guys. Gua…
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Cussler Hustlers S7 E5: Remote Control President
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Every train has gone off every rail in this episode of Deep Six! The whole 'missing President' scandal has been uncovered by the press, but fortunately the President is back! Unfortunately, the President is being remote controlled and promises to completely disarm the country. Loren finds herself the extra special guest of some hired goons, and a c…
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Cussler Hustlers S7 E4: Wednesday Drugs
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Your favorite cohosts are a little behind schedule and a little under the weather, but at least we still know more about health and medicine than a KGB agent! Psychopharmaceuticals abound in this tale of multicultural malpractice. Dirk kisses Loren goodbye. Some nerds get chopped. Cults are stealing television. We compare old-people injuries. This …
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Cussler Hustlers S7 E3: Presidential Brainworms
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KOREANS! Sorry, sorry! It's just so exciting to finally know which country we're supposed to be angry at. Speaking as a doctor, of course. Loren goes for a jog. Dirk gets out-manned. Sandecker feeds his ulcer. Sukarov does some elementary school science. The President is in some kind of tube. LASERS! - Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/CusslerHustl…
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PITT STOP #4: Stone of Fire, feat. The Escapist Room Podcast
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It's a Cussler Hustlers first, folks! Your hosts Topper and Nancy made friends with another real-life podcast, The Escapist Room! They're a brother and sister podcast who review the wonderful cheesy movies of their childhoods and the modern movies that give them that same feeling. Since they do MOVIES and we do BOOKS, we're doing TWO CROSSOVERS, th…
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Cussler Hustlers S7 E2: Is That A Capybara?
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RUSSIANS! Sorry, sorry! Diving into Part 2 of Deep Six, and it mostly seems like spies spying, backstabbers backstabbing, and five or six different groups that have no idea what's going on. There's a lot of Oval Office shenanigans, KGB shenanigans, Korean shipping shenanigans, and I don't think Dirk is even IN this episode. Refreshing! - Twitter: …
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In case you can't spare the 59 seconds: there is no new episode of Cussler Hustlers this week, as cohost Topper is travelling and away from his computer. We have two episodes in the can yet to be edited, and a third episode co-produced with another podcast, so there's still plenty of goodness to come! In the meantime, can I recommend catching up on…
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Cussler Hustlers S7 E1: Sexy, Sexy Death Zone
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ASIANS! Sorry, sorry! We're covering Part 1 of Deep Six and... well... ASIANS! Also Russians, because we haven't seen them for a while! Pitt is dragged in several different directions at once, and half of the book is completely unrelated. Apocalyptic nerve toxin? Check! Live volcanoes? Check! Sexy bank robberies? Check! Sexy EPA administrators? Che…
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Cussler Hustlers S6 E3: Cocaine Eyedrops
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What a rush! Pitt talks himself into a suicide mission, and helpfully brings along twenty other men. He crashes a plane, gets sucked underwater, blown up with a nuke, and still manages to get in some top-notch monologuing. Which body part will Al Giordino miss the most? Why is Dirk glowing? Is Smurfette Syndrome real? Find out this, and less, on th…
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Cussler Hustlers S6 E2: Murder, Backwards!
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The action really picks up, and by that, I mean Dirk walks himself and a sizable chunk of the Navy into a trap! Then another trap. Then another trap. THEN ANOTHER-... look, just listen to the episode. It won't make more sense, but at least we can try to figure it out together. Also, Nancy brags about all her celebrity encounters, while Topper tries…
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PITT STOP Special: Harrison Greenbaum!
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It's time for a special mid-week PITT STOP! Nancy has managed to con world-famous comedian and magician Harrison Greenbaum onto our show! Fresh from Last Comic Standing, Conan, and more than SIX HUNDRED shows with Cirque Du Soleil in Las Vegas, he's taking a breather with the Cussler Hustlers before opening his Off-Broadway Show, "What Just Happene…
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Cussler Hustlers S6 E1: The Biggest Ass In Hawaii
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We're back! It's time to blaze through a book that has no time for dilly-dallying. Pitt finds a capsule and then nearly dies several times before thinking "Hmmm, there might be something going on here." Who is the sexiest woman in the Pittverse? Who is the most dangerous woman in the Pittverse? Might they be the same person?! ONLY TIME WILL TELL! A…
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PITT STOP #2: The Columbo Episode
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PITT STOP #2 brings us teen heartthrob Peter Falk and the inimitable, world-famous, culture-defining Lieutenant Columbo. Nancy's Secret Boyfriend had a career spanning five decades of bringing down rich evildoers (so, of course, you know it's a work of fiction). Born the same year as Don Pendleton, which just goes to show you really could do anythi…
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PITT STOP #1: Don Pendleton's MACK BOLAN
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Our first PITT STOP episode is about the progenitor to Dirk Pitt, the divergent ancestor of Rambo, the grandfather of The Punisher, and one of the most-read Men's Novel series in history: Don Pendleton's MACK BOLAN. This tall, dark-haired, leathery-skinned, absurdly-skilled ex-military man who spends six hundred books killing everyone who dares thr…
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Cussler Hustlers S5 E9: Jerk Of All Trades
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We did it! We made it! THE END OF NIGHT PROBE! Clive is making up for lost time with a finale that kills half the named characters and two-thirds of the NPCs. Dirk commits several acts of international terrorism, which is what heroes do. Heidi gets her happy ending. The world finally figures out what to do with Canada, and absolutely no copyright l…
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Cussler Hustlers S5 E8: Muck Fuckled
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Pitt finishes killing everyone around him in Canadian waters, so he heads back to New York to kill some Yankees. More drunk, hairless sex. More side quests into weird history. A ghost attack and an impromptu bout of dinner theatre gives Dirk his final epiphany. Men would rather destroy democracy than go to therapy. Twitter: https://www.twitter.com…
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Cussler Hustlers S5 E7: Bye Bye, My Gly
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Things are happening fast and furious now.... though since it's in Canada, we're still polite and travelling at a sensible speed. The NUMA team makes a lot of progress on the Empress of Ireland, until it blows up and everyone dies. Brian Shaw regrets working with Foss Gly, until he blows up and everyone dies. Honestly, Dirk Pitt should come with ha…
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Cussler Hustlers S5 E6: Cuck-Dumped
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The book is moving fast and furious now! Dirk beats up a high-ranking politician. Heidi has buyer's remorse. Robot suits fight underwater zombies. Giordino fights a ghost train. Brian Shaw is an anti-masker. Clive gets real thirsty about some boats, trains and automobiles. Perhaps most important, BOTH OUR MICROPHONES WORK PROPERLY! Hallelujah! Twit…
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MORE politics! MORE murder! MORE inappropriate sexytimes! Now with 90% less Dirk! North America is coming apart at the seams, and two extremely hairless men are doing everything they can to make things worse. However, it is the opinion of this show that if this book needs anything, it's more Foss Gly. Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/CusslerHustler…
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It's doodlebug shenanigans time! Dirk taunts a hostile military superpower and gets his butt torpedoed, Sandecker extols the health virtues of smoking, Giordino mourns his heterosexual lifemate's passing, and then Quebec becomes even more powerful than you could possibly imagine. It just like me, fr fr. Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/CusslerHustl…
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Cussler Hustlers S5 E3: What's So Civil About War Anyways?
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Due to continued problems with both microphones and brains, this is a slightly shorter episode. Everyone's playing silly buggers, the oil crisis gets worse, Canada is coming apart at the seams... so one of our villains decides to poke the biggest god damn schoolyard bully on the planet. I'm sure things will go well for him! Twitter: https://www.twi…
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Cussler Hustlers S5 E2: Oops! All Side Characters!
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Retired spies. Abusive archivists. Double agents. A squash game that might lead to armageddon. Clive is putting a LOT of pieces into play here, so much so that you might forget Canada even exists, all tucked away down there. Heidi gets some Top Secret Dirking, and then asks him for help with her homework. Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/CusslerHus…
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Cussler Hustlers S5 E1: Ich Bin Ein Canadien
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We're back, and we're starting a new Dirk Pitt novel, so you know what that means: time to talk about Amazon's Reacher! Which cohost has been held up at gunpoint? Which cohost hallucinates the weather? Which of the 17 named characters in the book's introduction are actually relevant? Find out all this, and less, on Cussler Hustlers! Twitter: https:…
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Cussler Hustlers S4 E8: The Accidental Terrorist
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In the thrilling, gripping finale to this tale of false-flag international apocalyptic bioterrorism, Dirk gets ANOTHER concussion and wakes up just in time to remember that the hero is supposed to win. We introduce a couple new characters, get confused by the laws of thermodynamics, and almost cure racism! Additional News: Due to extreme weather an…
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Cussler Hustlers S4 E7: Cesspool On The Potomac
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Dirk wraps up his sexy, scandalous sex scandal just in time to get dumped, and he does the only sane thing: attacks a battleship with his face. Men would literally rather fight international terrorism with a concussion than go to therapy. Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/CusslerHustlers Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/CusslerHustlers Facebook:…
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Cussler Hustlers S4 E6: Dropkick Maxines
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Things are picking up speed! Dirty pictures are revealed. Revolutionary armies are destroyed. Battleships are renovated. Several people are shot. Cheese is eaten. It's everything you want in a holiday blockbuster! Topper still has Covid, Nancy apologizes to Ving Rhames from the bottom of her heart, and the new microphone is probably going to get th…
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Cussler Hustlers S4 E5: Syphilis Playground
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We picked a good time to slow down our production schedule, since the Topper household is all dying of the 'rona. In spite of all that, we muddle through Dirk discovering that he accidentally uncovered some doomsday weapons, the NSA admitting to planning for race-based doomsday scenarios, and then a quick break for some wild tiger sex in a complete…
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Cussler Hustlers S4 E4: High-Bred & Breakfast
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A shorter episode this week, due to real life being VERY rude to our stupid little podcast. Someone gets stabbed in the head with an icepick, but fortunately that's barely even a flesh wound. Someone starts digging for a sex scandal, but fortunately no-one minds in the 80s. Some knows what's stored on the Vixen-03, but fortunately he's not concerne…
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Cussler Hustlers S4 E3: Girls Gone Wild Rose
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Italian Cruise Ships. Owl murders. Zoomer slang. Blippi. These are all the topics we turn to in order to avoid talking about this week's chapters. But we manage it, all the while reassuring eachother that it was a different time, and Clive probably meant well. Perhaps this week's most shocking revelation: both cohosts were raised on the same saniti…
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Cussler Hustlers S4 E2: Take A Bullet For Ya, Babe
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We finish up Dirk's initial investigation into underwater nuclear shenanigans, and then we spend entirely too much time in South Africa. Apparently the whites are having a hell of a time down there, and they harken back to the good ol' days of Rhodesia. What does this have to do with Table Lake, Colorado? Absolutely nothing. Join us, won't you?…
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Cussler Hustlers S4 E1: Peignoire Greasemonkey
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Flying fortresses. Exploding radios. Toxic radiation. Naked yoga. Nubile congresswomen. Fried testicles. Vixen 03 starts off a hell of a lot slower than Raise The Titanic, but you wouldn't know it from all the lampshade-hanging and breasting boobily that happens! Nancy has a Moment of Dirkness. Topper has to talk about S-E-X with his kids in the ro…
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Cussler Hustlers S3 E9: RAISE THE TITANIC: THE MOVIE
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We're not done with Raise The Titanic. We have one final task... the 1980 big-budget flop adaptation. But we're not facing this journey alone. This week, our very first guest: Topper's wife Steph! She is here largely against her will, she refuses to listen to the podcast, and she hates Clive Cussler, so she was the perfect choice to review the film…
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Cussler Hustlers S3 E8: Boat Horny and Stir Crazy
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Thank God for Southby, we've reached the end of this titanic Titanic novel. Dana completes her Pokemon evolution into Liberated Female. Seagram gets off the toilet long enough to punch a ghost. Dirk has nasty aquarium sex. Donner has a baby. Prevlov gets a job offer. America nukes itself. This thing has more endings than Lord of the Rings, but only…
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Cussler Hustlers S3 E7: Men Having Emotions
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Which host is trained in hostage negotiation? Which host's parent has never shot anyone? On this episode, our heroes break out the Strategic Defence Febreeze Reserves and try to keep the damn boat from sinking again, and we lament the lack of futuristic weather control weapons. This episode is brought to you by Faceplant, the Official Beer Of Good …
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Cussler Hustlers S3 E6: Accidental Double Murders
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Neither fire, nor sleet, nor dental surgery, nor more technical issues shall keep the podcasters from their duties! Dana fights back against the matriarchy, Seagram fights back against his ticking biological clock, and Dirk fights back against gravity. Amazingly, he has the most success! This episode is brought to you by Wet Steel.…
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Cussler Hustlers S3 E5: Sweet, Nourishing Meth
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Our "parenting witty banter" got gross enough that some of the audio just refused to record. In spite of that, we dive into a segment that is all about Men Doing Manly Things, and Women Apologizing For Their Pathetic Feminine Frailty. Nancy has... some thoughts. Join us!Oleh Topper Sundquist
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Cussler Hustlers S3 E4: F*ck Alaska and Hawaii
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Nothing robs a magical mystery of its power like answers. James Cameron might have ruined the mystique around the Titanic, but Clive Cussler is here to make sure no-one gets any satisfying answers before he's ready. This week's question: what is the sound of one nation SCREAMING? Also, special musical guest Engelbert Humperdinck!…
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Cussler Hustlers S3 E3: The Sexism Is Fantastic!
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In this episode, we find the only thing hotter than a Byzanium reactor: Nancy's husband! Fortunately, he uses his James Bond powers for good, so we can focus on Dirk Pitt: Thunder God. And good urinal etiquette.Oleh Topper Sundquist
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Cussler Hustlers S3 E2: Ouija Board Romance
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Sexy secretaries, child brides, mooching war widows, microfiche (ask your parents), and the question on everyone's lips: WHO IS DIRK PITT?! We rope in the Russians, the French, and the Philippines, and just gloss over all the massacres to keep the plot moving.Oleh Topper Sundquist
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Cussler Hustlers S3 E1: Sheriff Dirk’s Misogyny Roundup
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Time travel, crying women, whiny liberal feminists, rule-breaking Presidents and shadowy government organizations? The latest Dirk Pitt novel has a disturbing lack of Dirk Pitt so far, but there's plenty of other stuff for us to speculate wildly about!Oleh Topper Sundquist
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Cussler Hustlers S2 E6: Vikings of the Caribbean
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In the gripping finale of Clive Cussler's second book, the entire plot is recapped multiple times for both the characters and the readers, and most of the action happens off-screen with other people. HOWEVER... we get QUITE the dramatic setpiece for the climactic showdown. Also, Dirk Pitt is a furry, and QUITE tolerant of some... unexpected develop…
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Cussler Hustlers S2 E5: Billionaire Treason & Plot
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The timely news coverage you've come to expect is in full effect this week! Also several dives into history... 1933 and 1973, to be specific. Was Clive Cussler an early high-tech Communist, or a patriotic neoliberal? Probably the second, but it's fun to imagine!Oleh Topper Sundquist
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Cussler Hustlers S2 E4: Skintight Rainbow Explosion
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Columbo is BACK! Also Dirk Pitt, but it's harder to get excited about that. Don't let his outfit fool you: this episode is CHOCK FULL of manliness. Fairly bursting with it. One boat does indeed burst with it. Fortunately it's full of henchmen, so everything's fine.Oleh Topper Sundquist
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Cussler Hustlers S2 E3: Oh Lawd, He Be Foppin’
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Carpeted boats, carpeted bathrooms, carpeted women. In the age of upholstery, our hosts try to figure out of Clive knows how sexist he's being, or if he's making an incisive statement about masculine culture? Pull out your centerfold pinups of Cannery Weekly for this one!Oleh Topper Sundquist
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Cussler Hustlers S2 E2: Wrestling Nipples
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We start discussing some real gruesome (and delicious!) true crime, then remember we have a podcast. Dirk the Insufferable has seventeen bouts of Gut Knowledge around some corpses, and then gets shot out of the sky.Also, if you can figure out why we called the episode this, please let us know?Oleh Topper Sundquist
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Cussler Hustlers S2 E1: Dang Bungtwister
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Our hosts dive into Clive's 2nd book, Iceberg! A shorter one this week, due to repeated failures with that most unpredictable of modern technologies: book printing. We do get into swans, goats, worms and gremlins, though, so... y'know, pretty regular show.Oleh Topper Sundquist
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Cussler Hustlers S1 E6: Cat Food & Bowel Drizzlies
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The thrilling conclusion to The Mediterranean Caper! It's got everything: gunshot wounds, cat food, and "a young black" who doesn't deserve a name but is absolutely crucial to the plot. Also some diversions into some of the worst war crimes in history, and the Russian women who would have made for a much better book.…
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Cussler Hustlers S1 E5: Crotch Marines
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In this episode, Clive remembers that he has to get to the plot before the end of the book. We finally meet this book's Giant Henchman, along with seventeen other characters that don't matter. Also, some charming banter about funerals and drug dealers.Oleh Topper Sundquist
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Cussler Hustlers S1 E4: Don’t Bring A Donkey To An Airplane Fight
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Our brave hosts dodge the pitfalls of unwitting but well-meaning racism. Does Dirk dodge as diligently? Only time will tell! Also, an awful lot of dog talk. Entirely too much, really.Oleh Topper Sundquist
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Cussler Hustlers S1 E3: Villainous Villains
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Our plucky hosts get a little tipsy and try to figure out who the villain of this story is (here's a tip: IT'S THE .) They also start sorting out their audio issues, for your continued aural pleasure.Oleh Topper Sundquist
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