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Have you SEEN the state of the papers today? PAPER CUTS has. In our now DAILY podcast, some of Britain’s sharpest commentators and funniest comedians come together to look at the madness, the strangeness, the obsessions, and – occasionally – the brilliance of our national press. Host Miranda Sawyer is joined by journalists and comedians like Jason Hazeley, Fin Taylor, Jonn Elledge, Alex Von Tunzelmann, Grainne Maguire, Rob Hutton, Athena Kugblenu, Marcus Brigstocke and many more. Illustratio ...
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Rule Of Three

Joel Morris & Jason Hazeley

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Comedy writers Jason Hazeley and Joel Morris talk to people who make comedy about something funny that they love. Guests pick something that makes them laugh. A book, a film, a tv show, a comic, a radio show, anything. Maybe we find out something about how comedy works, or we just giggle until we're finished. Both approaches are valid. WINNER BRITISH PODCAST AWARDS 2020: Best Arts & Culture Podcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Make America Debate Again – Trump and Harris face off goes badly for Donald. We shall fight them on the podcasts! American right-wingers are turning on Churchill. I’ve got another confession to make… After Dave Grohl’s “apology”, the Guardian ranks times celebs have said sorry – kind of. Miranda Sawye…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Princess Kate’s health update dominates the tabloidsm Taylor Swift fans are questioning her politics as she hugs a Trump fan – and, apparently old-school crisps are making a comeback. Jacob Jarvis is joined by journalist Rebecca Reid and comedian Matt Green. Support Paper Cuts and get mugs, t-shirts a…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: On thin ice. Keir Stamer faces a backseat rebellion over the decision to cut winter fuel allowance. “Speak to my PA”. The Observer takes a look at the miserable lives of Hollywood assistants. Plus – Don’t stop me now! The Guardian says maintaining streaks on Duolingo and Strava could ruin your life. M…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Jeremy Kyle has given evidence at the inquest of a man who died after being a guest on his TV show. Whale of a time. The Daily Star and The Telegraph have looked into the mysterious death of Hvladimir the spy whale. Plus – Oh mammy! The i shares the story of a daughter discovering their mother moonlig…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Grenfell report findings. The front pages cover the tragedy that cost 72 lives. New fauxmantics. The Daily Mail claims to have proof that Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce are faking their relationship. Plus – The rest is gravy! We get down and dirty with the world’s gravy wrestling champion in The Indepe…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Shuffle Off. Trump has been banned from using yet another song at a rally – we unpack the list of musicians pushing back against Don. Woking gone mad. Ross Kemp thinks that Woking is a hub for organised crime – The Star investigates. Plus – Shag for life! The Telegraph sends a reporter to a Spanish su…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: What’s the Tory? The Conservative leadership is getting weird. Horrible histories? Pride in Britain and its past is falling, according to a new survey that’s got The Telegraph upset. Country loving. Moving to the sticks causes problems for one writer’s sex life. Alex von Tunzelmann is joined by journa…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Hundreds of thousands protest in Israel, while strikes put pressure on Netanyahu. Definitely pay me! The Oasis ticket meltdown. Watch this space: Meet the people searching for aliens and the paranormal. Miranda Sawyer is joined by journalist Zoë Grünewald and comedian Fergus Craig. Support Paper Cuts …
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: The ladies not for binning. The Daily Mail is outraged that Starmer ditched a portrait of Thatcher from No. 10. Fur coat, no knickers. The Times profiles another middle class swinger. Plus – Dog days are over! The Star has found boffins who claim they can speak to man’s best friend. Miranda Sawyer is …
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Up in smoke. The Sun is freaking out over leaked plans to extend the smoking ban to pub gardens! Cat’s meow. The Guardian celebrates the bad ass cat ladies. Plus – Do the Fandango? The Telegraph just doesn't understand super fans. Alex von Tunzelmann is joined by stand up comedian Jessica Fostekew and…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Take a hike! Keir Starmer’s dour warning marks the end of summer and sends the Tory press bonkers. Oh Brother! The Times looks at the ladies who convinced Noel and Liam to reunite. Plus – Too hot to fail? The Telegraph lists 18 of the most stylish celebs – but would they simply look good in anything? …
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: What’s the front page story? Oasis reunite just in time to miss the papers’ deadlines. How will the press handle it? X marks the rot. The Times investigates what makes Elon Musk so weird. Telegram scam! Russia’s wartime comms chief arrested. Plus Kirstie Allsop’s Interrail misery, week-long weddings, …
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today, Miranda Sawyer sits down with one of Britain's most divisive columnists: Adrian Chiles. In this special Bank Holiday episode of Paper Cuts we take a look at some of his most beloved columns. If you’re curious about at home urinals, the meditative nature of ironing or the everyday struggle of picking s…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Soccer star TV host Jermaine Jenas has been sacked by the BBC – and the papers scramble for what they’re allowed to say. Oh, Beyhive! Was Beyoncé really supposed to be Kamala Harris’s surprise guest at the DNC? Plus – No cats, no dogs, no snakes? Meet the world’s pickiest flatmates. Jacob Jarvis is jo…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: If you had my love. Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck’s second chance at love has hit the rocks – and all of the papers have opinions. Eight legged freaks! Giant spiders are making a return to the UK and nobody is excited about it. Plus – Tent out of ten! The Guardian attempts to get excited about the gr…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Rescue operations are underway for Mike Lynch’s sunken superyacht, as the probe for answers beginst. We are not amused. Sarah Vine shares her tale of Queen Lizzy’s rage at Trump, in The Mail. Plus – Abbreviation nation. The Sun tries to get its head around Gen Z lingo. Natasha Devon is joined by journ…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: The search continues for the missing passengers of Mike Lynch’s super yacht. Date with destiny! The Sun lifts the lid on a woman who started charging for dates after too many bad ones. Plus – Wax on, wax off. The Telegraph wants to know where all the hairy men have gone. Alex von Tunzelmann is joined …
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: A.I knew you were trouble. Trump claims AI images prove that Taylor Swift’s fan base is backing him. King of the castle. The Daily Mail thinks King Charles could evict Prince Andrew and Fergie from their estate. Plus – Mind your manners. The word on everybody's lips is demure and The Guardian tries to…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Five people have been arrested in connection to Matthew Perry’s death and The Sun has the details. 20/25 vision. The Guardian takes a look at Trump’s mad fashion as CNN details what is really happening with Project 2025. Plus – Hands off my buns. The Times asks what level of punishment is suitable for…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Send in the clowns. The i ask why can’t Liz Truss take a joke, after the former PM flipped out over a lettuce prank. Go your own way. The Sun mourns the end of ‘Gen Z’s Charles and Diana’. Plus – When I’m 64. The Guardian has unlocked the secret of ageing and nobody on the panel is happy with the answ…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Work it out! The Telegraph and Daily Mail take on the “workshy” nation. Honourable Bosses! Meghan and Harry’s chief of staff has quit and The Sun couldn’t be happier. Plus – Let’s do the time warp again. The i think we need to crack out the leg warmers and parent our children like we’re in the 80s. Na…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: From Musk till yawn. The Guardian has all of the details from the farcical livestream between Trump and Musk. What does the fox say? Foxhunters claim they are an ethnic minority and even The Star isn’t taking them seriously. Plus – A bit of scruff. Prince William’s beard has The Sun lusting over other…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Stranger than fiction. The Telegraph muses that Sue Gray is making Starmer’s decisions in Downing St. Out of the Box. The Observer thinks we should stop categorising women, Brat Summer disagrees. Plus – Game over man, game over! Video Game actors are going on strike over AI and sexy content, and The T…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Broken News. Sadiq Khan tells The Guardian the government isn’t doing enough to combat fake news online. Houston we have a problem. The i gives us all the details about the astronauts stranded on the International Space Station. Plus – That don’t impress me much. The Mail shares the plight of a woman …
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Anti-racism protests confuse the right wing press. Swift action – The Guardian tells us about the terror threat at Taylor Swift’s Vienna concert. Plus – Holidays from hell! From Baghdad to Syria, we look at the rise of disaster tourism in The Times. Alex von Tunzelmann is joined by comedian Gráinne Ma…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Running mates. The front pages introduce us to Kamala Harris’s running mate, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz. Hunka burning love! The Guardian says that hunks are back. . . but did they ever go away? Plus – Vacay by me! A journalist from The Times wants to borrow kids to go on holiday. Jacob Jarvis is joi…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Shout out to my X. Downing Street reacts to Elon Musk’s comments on Keir Starmer – and the front pages can’t get enough. I’ve got new rules, I count them! The Times says that women over 50 need to start acting their age. Plus – Something blue. The Guardian’s Zoe Williams spent a fortnight reading smut…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Riot Squad. Starmer assembles Cobra to deal with “far-right thuggery” as unrest spreads. Sitting on the dock of the bay! A reporter from The Sun takes a jolly to Guantanamo Bay. Plus – Bear with me. The New York Times unpacks RFK Jr’s claim about a dead bear in Central Park. Jacob Jarvis is joined by …
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: What’s up, Docs? GPs are taking industrial action – why, what’s going on and what will it mean for patients? A mum reveals her woes with making friends with other mums. And, fake news! Can you imagine if Trump did get killed? Well, the Mail has done it for you. Miranda Sawyer is joined by comedian and…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Misinformation pushed the riots after the Southport atrocity and the Mail has just noticed. Is it the Russians? Plus: Why the Great British Stag Do is a horrible nightmare that we* should all swerve. And: You and I we’re gonna live forever… by putting our brains in deep-freeze? (* blokes) Miranda Sawy…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Despicable scenes from far right in Southport as murdered children are named. Kyle Walker’s influencer ex makes astonishing demands for cash – and the judge is not impressed. And as a prison officer pleads guilty to making a porn video in jail, a surprisingly thoughtful piece on sex between prisoners …
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: The horrific knife attack in Southport dominates the front pages. Then, as we move to the middle pages – The life of a Teletubby as told by an actor who played one. And sex columnist Kate Lister explains what shagging was like in days of yore, as period dramas get increasingly rompy. Alex Von Tunzelma…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: You medalling kids! Adam Peaty misses gold by a sliver, Simone Biles is back, barmy Olympics ceremony. “Is bullying a dance style?” BBC’s Strictly inquiry is coming and the papers are picking sides. The lady’s not for turning over. The new sex party hotspot is… Grantham, home of Margaret Thatcher? Mir…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: I’m afraid there is no money. The Chancellor says the Treasury is in a much worse state than expected and the tabloids are worried about what this means for tax. Bloody Murdoch! Rupert is trying to kick his ‘lefty’ kids out of his trust and The Telegraph has all the juicy details. Plus – Step-mother D…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: A star is born. Celebs line up to support Kamala Harris in the The New York Post. Horny histories! We explore the history of sex with Kate Lister in The i. Plus – Who Charted? The Guardian tries to explain the very complicated music charts. Miranda Sawyer is joined by comedian Fergus Craig and journal…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Wind farm windfall. The Telegraph details King Charles' big green payout. Tangerine dream. The Times says fake tan is back, baby. Plus – I’ll have whatever he’s having! The Guardian profiles competitive eating legend Takeru Kobayashi. Alex von Tunzelmann is joined by American Friction host Jacob Jarvi…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Lights, Kamala, action! VP Harris takes the fight to Trump. The tide is high. A family survives a month on a life raft in The Guardian. Plus – Come again? The Sun wants to close the orgasm gap with nine saucy bedroom tips. Alex von Tunzelmann is joined by Podmasters head honcho Andrew Harrison and sta…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Commander in relief. The papers react as President Biden quits the election. Something wicked this way comes. The worrying trend of tradwives and witchcraft are profiled in The Guardian. Plus – The devil wears A.I. The Times shares a strange story of an AI fashion influencer. Miranda Sawyer is joined …
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Oil and trouble. Imprisoned environmental activists are plastered on the front page of The Telegraph. Wake up and smell the coffee. We mourn the end of Pret’s ‘too good to be true’ subscription in The Guardian. Plus – Dangerous liaisons. The Daily Mail shares the tale of a man who helped his best frie…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: The King and why? The Mail isn’t happy with the Labour Government’s plans laid out in the King’s speech. The Mickey Mouse Snub. Is Disney about to run out of young fans? Plus – Take it to the max! The Guardian tries to explain the latest online wellness trend for men: Auramaxing. Alex von Tunzelmann i…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: The lion sleeps tonight. Gareth Southgate quits and Fleet Street pay their respects. He’s just not that into you. Kate Lister explores the trend of “shut up rings” in The i. Plus – Lunatic fringe. The Times has some opinions on Daniel Craig’s new hair do. Miranda Sawyer is joined by the host of Americ…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Huckleberry Veep. Who is JD Vance and why did Trump pick him as a running mate? I’m just living that lifestyle. The Guardian embraces Brat Summer. Plus – My Fair Gen Z. The Times has some lessons in etiquette for the young’uns. Alex von Tunzelmann is joined by journalist Holly Thomas and comedian Emma…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: They think it’s olé over! The front pages mark England’s defeat in the Euro final. Divine intervention. Trump thanks God that he survived his assassination attempt in The Times. Plus – Bridezillionaire? The Sun shares details of the most spenny wedding of the year. Miranda Sawyer is joined by journali…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Half Time! Labour could shorten prison sentences to deal with capacity issues and The Telegraph is apoplectic. Fight for your right to party. Why can nobody throw a proper messy house party any more, ask an anxious Times. Plus – Birds of a feather. A journo goes on a ‘pigeon safari’ for the i and disc…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Wat a coincidence! Southgate’s boys made it to the final and every tabloid has the same headline. Handbags at dawn. It’s Suella “Cruella” Braverman vs Kemi “The Krusher” Badenoch as the Tory leadership race gets nasty. Plus – Clooney Bin. Former Batman tells President Biden to stand down in New York T…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Average Joe. Biden made a gaffeless speech at NATO but critics are still calling for him to step down. Sleeping with the enemy. The Spectator is lusting over Keir Starmer’s ‘rugby face’. Plus – Darkest before the dawn. A Guardian journo tries to wake up at 5am every day, fails miserably. Miranda Sawye…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Who are ya? The Guardian investigates the elusive Reform UK candidates. Gone to pot. The Mail thinks weed farms are taking over the suburbs. Plus – I don't want ANY spam! The Telegraph sends a journo back in time to eat like a 60s housewife. Alex Von Tunzelmann is joined by journalist Rebecca Reid and…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Cabinet of Curiosities. Starmer has appointed his new cabinet and The Telegraph has some opinions. Stuck in the midlife with you. The Daily Mail has figured out why so many women are leaving their husbands. Plus – Una Cerveza, Por Favor. Going on holiday? The Times has a list of dos and don’ts for Bri…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Keir we go! The front pages react to the Labour landslide. Electoral Reform. Farage’s party exceeded expectations and rained on our parade. Plus – Dress for success. We examine the sartorial choices of candidates, pundits and even ye olde mayors. Our intrepid hostess with the mostess Miranda Sawyer is…
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We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Pick your player. It’s election day (don’t forget your ID) and the papers are picking teams. Even The Sun! It’s all gone a bit Pete Tong. The Times attends a conspiracy theory festival – at least that's what they want you to think. Plus – Smells fishy. The Telegraph investigates the most pungent villa…
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