Transforming Relationships through Imperfect Love with Dr. Carla Manly

Helping Families Be Happy

On today's episode of the "Helping Families Be Happy" podcast, host Christopher Robbins, co-founder of Familius Publishing, husband, father of nine, author, fisherman, backpacker, and aspirational musician based in the Central Valley of California, talks to Dr. Carla Marie Manly about love and the important relationships in our lives, including ourselves. Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a practicing clinical psychologist and author based in Santa Rosa, CA. She focuses on a mindfulness-based holistic approach to help individuals achieve joy and balance from the inside out. She is the author of several books, including "Aging Joyfully," "Joy from Fear," "Date Smart," and an upcoming book on imperfect love and healthy relationships.

Episode Highlights:

• 02:26: Christopher reads excerpts from the book "The Joy of Imperfect Love" introduction, highlighting societal pressure for perfect love and the false promises of quick fixes, leading to unconscious stress.
• 04:45: Christopher poses a question to Dr. Manly about why she wrote the book and the significance of its message, inviting her insights into the societal emphasis on perfectionism.
• 06:45: Carla responds, sharing the inspiration behind the book from her experiences as a clinician, wife, and family member, addressing the negative impact of perfectionism on relationships.
• 08:23: Carla explains the stepwise approach in the book, emphasizing self-love and the potential for individuals to earn secure attachment, leading to reduced anxiety, decreased depression, and increased joy in interpersonal relationships.
• 09:10: Carla defines love as a divine quality, replete with unselfishness, kindness, and goodness. She emphasizes the ideal of love as a guiding force across various spiritual beliefs.
• 10:13: Carla elaborates on imperfect love, describing it as a human attempt to reach the state of pure love. It involves a continuous quest to improve, learn from mistakes, and take actions guided by awareness and intention.
• 13:36: Carla introduces false love, often mistaken for pure love. She notes its prevalence in new relationships where initial projections fade, and individuals realize the love was not genuine.
• 14:45: Carla delves into self-love, emphasizing the need for self-awareness. She contrasts self-love with selfishness and explains that loving oneself requires understanding strengths, weaknesses, and boundaries.
• 18:01: Carla provides a personal example of self-love, encouraging acceptance of perceived weaknesses, emphasizing the importance of making friends with one's vulnerabilities and strengths.
• 20:28: Carla emphasizes the importance of humility and awareness in personal growth, stating that the willingness to learn, accept coaching, and seek therapy contributes to creating self-wealth rather than hindering progress with defensiveness.
• 23:25: Christopher transitions to discussing the subtitle of Carla's book, focusing on the term "attachment." He seeks clarification on the concept of secure attachment in relationships.
• 25:20: Carla delves into the challenges of interpersonal relationships for those with insecure attachment styles, highlighting the difficulties faced by individuals with disorganized attachment due to the absence of a secure and consistent caregiving environment.
• 26:49: Carla discusses her training as a Jungian psychologist and her journey into attachment theory, expressing her fascination with observing attachment dynamics in her clients' lives. She notes how healing attachment styles can transform relationships, even when partners have different attachment styles.
• 28:46: Carla expresses optimism by highlighting the brain's neuroplasticity, explaining that with effort and a desire for change, individuals can absolutely transform. She appreciates the privilege of working with people who want to evolve and become better versions of themselves.
• 29:29: Carla underscores the importance of the desire to evolve, labelling it as the foundation of joy and perfect love. She notes that the journey involves continuous self-improvement and the willingness to work on various aspects of oneself.
• 31:35: Christopher shares his interpretation of the metaphor, comparing individuals to rough stones that accumulate nicks and scratches through life experiences.
• 32:03: Carla emphasizes the power of choice, highlighting that individuals can choose how to channel the energy inherited from their parents. encourages acknowledging the lack of control over past events but emphasizes the power of choosing wisely each day to shape a different future.

Key Points:

1. The conversation revolves around imperfect love, self-awareness, and the power of choice in fostering personal growth and positive relationships.
2. Carla explains attachment theory, emphasizing the impact of childhood attachment on adult relationships and the potential for earning secure attachment through self-awareness and self-work.
3. Dr. Carla stresses that acknowledging imperfections, embracing self-awareness, and choosing to evolve contribute to becoming a better individual, partner, parent, and community member.

Tweetable Quotes:

• "Embrace the privilege of continuous self-improvement in the realm of imperfect love." - Dr. Carla Manly
• "Acknowledge imperfections, embrace self-awareness, and choose to evolve every day in the journey of imperfect love." - Dr. Carla Manly
• "Love is a learnable skill. The transformative journey of self-discovery fosters resilience and emotional well-being." - Dr. Carla Manly

Resources Mentioned

• Helping Families Be Happy Podcast Apple
• https://drcarlamanly.com/
• Podcast Editing