NOG 15: Hold On, I Gotta Take This

Nation of Gamers

Halfway through this episode Brent’s cellphone mysteriously rings, and he gets up and leaves the studio to take the call. This is the first time in three years of podcasting that this has happened. Imagine the scene, if you will; Wes and Spencer are happily chatting as Brent sits uncomfortably, his eyes shifting back and forth nervously. Eric is strangely absent, apparently at “work.” The show’s topic is… I don’t know. Retro gaming? Something like that.

Suddenly, Brent’s iPhone rings. He snatches it up and quickly leaves the studio with barely a word. Wes and Spencer are left, mouths agape, unable to comprehend the terrible circumstances that have befallen them.

Struggling to keep things going, Wes weakly suggests, “Battletoads was a pretty good game.”

“No,” Spencer answers, “no it wasn’t.”

You can hear all that on this show. What you can’t hear is the conversation that was so important that Brent had to leave the studio. After all, he left the studio, so the microphones couldn’t pick him up. However, you can read a transcript of that strange conversation. Brent did not know that his call was being routed through an experimental Google Voice transcription engine. The result was donated by an anonymous source to this reporter. Only Brent’s side of the conversation was transcribed, leaving us to wonder at the identity of the caller and the dark words he imparted.

BRENT: You’re late, I told you not to call during the show. *pause* No, I- *pause* I know, but it’s hard to keep my cover in tact if- *pause* Right. Well, if you’re done with that, can we get on with it? *pause* It was- it was a rhetorical question. *pause* Look, I don’t like this anymore than you do, but if we’re going to make it out of this alive we have to work together. *pause* All right, that’s what I like to hear! Now all we have to do is- *pause* What do you mean? What’s wrong? *long pause* Damn it! I should’ve known better that to trust you, even with something so ridiculously easy. All you had to do was go to the pet store- *pause* What do you mean, which pet store? Does it matter? The one that has feeder guppies, you idiot! *pause* No, the guppies are the key. This’ll never work without guppies. *pause* What are we gonna do with four hundred brine shrimp? Go back, get the damn guppies, and meet me at the drop point after World of WoW. *pause* Yeah, it just might work after all, and then we can finally get Jimmy the Legs off our case. *pause* Yeah, me too. I’ll see you later… Mr. President. *pause* No, I know you’re not the pres- *pause* Look, I was just kidding. *pause* Okay, you know what? Click. *click*

And that’s all the information we have. In order to help us to unravel this terrifying mystery, we are offering a $5000 reward for information leading to the arrest of “Jimmy the Legs,” along with a $10,000 for information pertaining to the identity of the other party to this call.

Oh yeah, and there’s a show this week. Or was it last week? I am totally confused. I think it’s about space rats. Enjoy!