From Control to Acceptance: Parenting Through Grief with Jessica Fein - Ep 177

Unraveling Adoption

"We followed her lead. And so there was a lot of laughter and there was a lot of beauty." -- Jessica Fein

Read the episode transcript here: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01JG2GNT8VS6BJTW0VGKSK3 PVA

EPISODE SUMMARY:

In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the privilege of speaking with Jessica Fein, an adoptive mother and author of the memoir Breath Taking: A Memoir of Family, Dreams, and Broken Genes. Jessica shares her family's deeply moving and complex journey through adoption and the heartbreaking experience of losing her middle child, Dalia, to a rare genetic disorder.

We began by discussing Jessica's family's path to adoption, which was initially rooted in a long struggle with infertility. After years of trying to conceive, Jessica and her husband decided to pursue adoption, ultimately leading them to adopt three children from Guatemala. Jessica eloquently describes the joy and chaos of raising her children, but also the challenges they faced when they began to notice developmental issues with Dalia.

As Dalia's health declined due to a rare mitochondrial disease, Jessica opened up about the emotional and practical challenges of caring for a child with a degenerative condition. She shared the struggles of navigating the medical system, the frustration of being more knowledgeable about Dalia's condition than some healthcare providers, and the profound love that persisted throughout their journey.

Throughout our conversation, Jessica emphasized the importance of finding joy amidst the sorrow and the lessons she learned about control and certainty in parenting. She highlighted that while we cannot control the outcomes of our children's lives, we can choose how we respond to the challenges we face.

Jessica's story is a testament to resilience, love, and the complexities of adoption. I encourage listeners to check out her memoir, Breath Taking, and her podcast, I Don't Know How You Do It, where she continues to share stories of families navigating unimaginable circumstances. Thank you for joining us in this heartfelt discussion, and I hope it resonates with anyone touched by adoption or facing similar challenges.

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RESOURCES:

Jessica’s information:

• Browse Jessica’s website, including her book, podcast, and essays: https://www.jessicafeinstories.com/

• Find Jessica on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/feinjessica/

• I Don’t Know How You Do It podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/i-dont-know-how-you-do-it/id1668168226

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Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson

Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao

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TIME STAMPS:

00:00:00 - Introduction Welcome to Unraveling Adoption with host Beth Syverson and guest Jessica Fein.

00:01:03 - Acknowledging Loss Beth expresses condolences for Dalia's death and the complexities of Jessica's story.

00:01:55 - Adoption Journey Begins Jessica shares her family's journey through infertility and the decision to adopt.

00:05:53 - Choosing International Adoption Discussion on selecting Guatemala for international adoption.

00:08:41 - Bringing Home Their First Child The experience of bringing their first child home after a long wait.

00:09:41 - Expanding the Family The couple's journey to adopt three children and their early family life.

00:10:52 - Concerns About Dalia's Development Early concerns about Dalia's development and responses from early intervention.

00:12:06 - Hearing Loss Diagnosis Dalia is diagnosed with hearing loss, raising further health questions.

00:13:08 - Rare Genetic Disorder Jessica explains Dalia's rare mitochondrial disease diagnosis and its uncertainties.

00:14:08 - Navigating Medical Challenges The family's experience with medical professionals and understanding Dalia's condition.

00:16:41 - Dalia's Hospitalization The escalation of Dalia's condition leading to a lengthy hospital stay.

00:18:30 - Life with a Tracheostomy Impact of Dalia's tracheostomy on her communication and eating.

00:19:13 - Communication Challenges How Dalia communicated with her family after her condition worsened.

00:20:34 - Importance of Connection Maintaining connection and communication with Dalia despite limitations.

00:21:02 - Finding Joy Amidst Struggles Balancing joy and sorrow in family life during challenging times.

00:22:06 - Self-Care Strategies Practical self-care strategies for caregivers.

00:23:33 - Dalia's School Experience Dalia's participation in school despite her condition.

00:25:14 - Understanding Awareness Exploring Dalia's awareness of her condition and family efforts.

00:26:32 - Lessons on Control Jessica reflects on lessons learned about control and certainty.

00:28:22 - Role of Writing The therapeutic role of writing in processing experiences.

00:30:22 - Advice for Adoptive Parents Jessica offers insights for prospective adoptive parents.

00:35:09 - Unpredictability of Parenthood Discussion on the unpredictability of parenting, biological or adoptive.

00:38:06 - Conclusion and Resources Wrap-up of the conversation and sharing resources for listeners.