135. Don't Be A Mean Gay

A Jaded Gay

While playful putdowns and throwing shade have long been a celebrated form of humor and bonding among gay men, they can sometimes perpetuate cliques, exclusion, and toxic behaviors within the community. Not only does this behavior reinforces harmful stereotypes like the "bitchy queen" or "mean gay," but it also deepens divisions in an already marginalized community, reflecting the way we are often treated by the larger world.
In this episode, we're exploring why mean gay behavior manifests, the impact it has on our community, and ways we can foster kindness and support among one another.
Related Episodes:

• Listen to Episode 34. GBF: Gay Best Friend
• Listen to Episode 38. Learning to Accept Kindness
• Listen to Episode 53. Stop Comparing Yourself to Other Gays

Additional Resources:

• The Top 10 Reasons the Gay Community Is So Competitive
• 10 Reasons Gay Men Are Hyper Competitive
• Op-ed: Are Gay Men A Gay Man's Worst Enemy?
• Ask a Homo: Bitchy Queens
• When Does a Bitchy Queen Become Too Much?
• Gays Behaving Badly
• Culture Slut: Dissecting the 'Mean Gays' Trope
• Matthew J. Dempsey on How Gay Men "Compare & Despair"

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Chapter

1. Snarky Opener (00:00:00)

2. Episode Introduction (00:00:25)

3. Don't Be A Mean Gay (00:01:01)

4. Tarot (00:02:08)

5. The Roots of Gay Competitiveness (00:03:21)

6. Internalized Homophobia and Mean Gay Behavior (00:07:01)

7. Simple Practices for Everyday Kindness (00:10:09)

8. Cultivating Kindness in the LGBTQ+ Community (00:11:49)

9. Episode Closing (00:13:57)

10. Support Queer Money (00:15:48)

11. Connect with A Jaded Gay (00:16:57)

12. Outtake (00:18:33)