Understanding Child-on-Child Abuse: What’s Normal vs. Harmful?

Ask Kati Anything

This week Kati talks about child on child abuse, and if being abused as a child means that we will abuse others. She also explains what trauma processing looks like and whether or not talking out our trauma could itself be traumatizing. Finally, she discusses reparenting and what it can look like, why we want to push our therapist away, and how we can process all we have been through.

Ask Kati Anything ep. 242 | Your mental health podcast, with Kati Morton, LMFT Audience questions:

1. Hi Kati, I am wondering if a child who abuses other children will become an adult who abuses children? I ask because my brother (5yrs my senior) molested me from the time I can remember up to about age 5, when his friend took over. He’s since moved far away (we are adults now) but has had access to young children. I worry about the safety of those children. Could he really still be abusing children so many years later?

2. Could you talk about bit about child on child sexual abuse? When is it considered normal child exploration and when is it abuse? And is 4 years old too young for it to be considered abuse? When I was about 4 years old, a boy in my class (who used to bully/tease me sometimes) (also 4) “touched me” (I won't go into the details). He somehow convinced me to let him and...

3. Can you talk about trauma and processing it? Why do I feel like I have to talk about events in therapy more than once? I already talked about it, why can’t it just be a one and done? I shared it once, isn't that enough?

4. I am wondering why after almost a year in therapy and on the cusp of being honest and opening up about my childhood trauma, I am questioning everything my therapist is doing and trying to push her buttons? I seem to want to put conditions on the things I share or do. I don't mean to do this but can't seem to stop. Is this normal or a part of the process?

5. I was wondering if you can explain how reparenting is supposed to help? I have done it a few times with my therapist or on my own and it just feels like I’m shoving down my feelings and telling myself it’s ok and I’m safe when it’s like the opposite of what I’m feeling. Although, when others do it it’s helpful. it’s just weird because I’m giving myself something that I should or should have gotten from others? Isn’t the point of community to get feel good messages? Like how can I be my own parent? My parent wasn’t the parent I needed and I can’t fill that void. I don’t think one person or thing fills that void. I think it’s multiple things and relationships. Anyway, I couldn’t be my own parent as a kid, so how can I now be one as an adult? I don’t know if that makes sense.

6. How do I emotionally process a lot stuff that happened this year, example doing splits shifts to getting a new job along with family stuff sprinkled in all within a few months and going to a wedding? I’ve felt like I’ve been on auto pilot and not dealt with it.

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