Am I the toxic one? 10 questions to ask yourself

Dr Sarah: Relationship Success Lab

Today, I'll discuss a common question from struggling couples or individuals facing relationship challenges: "Am I the toxic one, or do I do toxic things that harm the relationship?" Let's unpack this idea of toxic behavior, acknowledging that nobody is entirely good or bad; we're all human, prone to mistakes and blind spots.

It's not about placing all blame on your partner or solely on yourself. Rather, it's about accountability and recognizing the role each person plays in relationship dynamics. We have the most control over ourselves, our actions, and our self-awareness.

Here are 10 toxic patterns to watch out for:

1. Feeling inherently superior or inferior to your partner, even if it's subtle.
2. Assuming the worst about your partner's capabilities or intentions, leading to defensiveness or disempowerment.
3. Keeping score of past grievances and using them in arguments, which prevents resolution.
4. Using manipulation or control tactics, overt or subtle, to influence your partner's behavior.
5. Embracing a victim mentality, seeking validation or rescue from your partner rather than taking responsibility.
6. Being addicted to drama, seeking reassurance through conflict or emotional upheaval.
7. Using sex as a way to gloss over unresolved issues, creating false intimacy.
8. Having a short temper with your partner due to a sense of safety and familiarity.
9. Putting emotional distance between you and your partner during conflict, or ignoring their attempts at reconciliation.
10. Ignoring or minimizing problems in the relationship, hoping they'll resolve on their own or expecting your partner to fix them.

Recognizing these behaviors is the first step toward fostering a healthier, more fulfilling relationship. It's about taking ownership of our actions, understanding our vulnerabilities, and actively working towards positive change.

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LinkedIn Dr Sarah Alsawy-Davies
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Website www.healtraumabonding.com
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