Losing yourself (even if you're successful on paper)

Dr Sarah: Relationship Success Lab

In today's discussion, I want to delve into the concept of losing oneself, particularly in the context of toxic and trauma-bonded relationships. Not everyone experiences toxic relationships, but those who do often have an insecure attachment style, typically anxiously attached. This attachment style stems from childhood experiences where love was inconsistent, conditional, or tied to meeting specific criteria. The desire for acceptance and love becomes conditional upon meeting external standards.

Entering a trauma-bonded relationship involves attracting individuals who mirror our anxieties, reinforcing subconscious beliefs. The brain forms neural pathways that perpetuate a cycle of seeking acceptance by conforming to external expectations. The constant pursuit of an idealized image leads to self-abandonment and a loss of identity.

As one enters a toxic relationship, the initial abundance of love and attention masks the looming criticisms and control that emerge later. Despite recognizing red flags, individuals remain in these relationships, entwining their identity with the relationship itself. The fear of rejection drives a continuous effort to meet perceived conditions for love.

To break this cycle and reclaim oneself, it's crucial to explore and accept the rejected parts of one's identity from childhood. This involves deep subconscious work, rewiring neural pathways, and embracing the concept that your existence is inherently acceptable. Stepping off the hamster wheel of conditional acceptance and focusing on genuine self-love, rooted in profound emotional and cognitive shifts, enables a return to authenticity and selfhood.
You can find me on
LinkedIn: Dr Sarah Alsawy-Davies
Instagram @dr.sarahalsawy
Website www.healtraumabonding.com

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LinkedIn Dr Sarah Alsawy-Davies
Instagram @dr.sarahalsawy
Website www.healtraumabonding.com
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