Best Of Sex, Love & Elephants: How to Apologize Like a MoFo

Sex, Love & Elephants with Dr. Cheryl

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Dr. Cheryl, how can I learn to sincerely apologize?

Should I be worried that my partner and I fight?

How can I make up with my partner after we argue?

Imagine I install a camera in your home and record everything you say to your partner for a week—would you be comfortable sharing that footage with your nearest and dearest? The good, the bad, and the ugly? Or would you be ashamed and embarrassed at how you speak and interact with your sweetheart, especially in times of anger or frustration?

Human beings in relationships are going to have disagreements—that’s a fact of life. It sounds harsh, but if most people actually recorded themselves for a week and listened back to the way they spoke to their partner, they would be very disappointed in themselves. The trick is to make sure you and your honey both have the tools to have disagreements that aren’t destructive - disagreements that actually help bring you closer together. I know, right?

In this throwback episode, I talk about why a sincere vow to do better is one of the most important tools in your relationship arsenal, and why a mindful apology is an art in and of itself. I teach you the value of what I call “do-over. This love hack is super beneficial when you’re arguing with your sweetie. In fact, I’ll show you how you can start practicing the technique today. Speaking kindly and thoughtfully to your partner is an integral part of a successful relationship. We can’t just sit back and wait for our relationships to become fabulous and earth-shattering—we’re responsible for creating that ourselves...

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

• If you’re just sitting around and waiting for passion—good luck with that! YOU are responsible for creating a great relationship. (04:26)
• When you're agitated, your body floods with adrenaline and cortisol, creating temporary aggression and irrationality (06:24)
• The opposite of kind speech is ugly speech. This includes name-calling, swearing at one another, and using absolute language. (09:50)
• If you’re in a relationship with a real, live human being who’s not six feet under, you’re going to have disagreements… and that’s totally fine. (12:45)
• Don’t make excuses—apologize like a mofo. (14:44)
• Your weekly LoveByte. (24:29)

Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!

Want to rate your relationship on the three keys to great long term love? Take the Passion Quiz.

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