EP3//Can trust be repaired? Broken trust and how to create trust within yourself to build stronger confidence

The Crazy Confidence Coach Podcast Mindset, Limiting Beliefs, Reinvention, Purpose, Christian Life Coach, Self-Doubt, Negative Thought Patterns, Managing the Mind, Major Life Change

Welcome to EP3 Can trust be repaired? Broken trust and how to create trust within yourself to build stronger confidence.

Did someone in your world break your trust? Maybe it was your friend, a boyfriend, a parent, or if you are married maybe it was your spouse.

Maybe it was someone at work. A teammate or your boss. Or there’s that vendor that you do business with who always makes promises that they don’t keep.

Many times in our lives we will encounter others that betray us in some way. They break promises, contracts, or simply don’t behave in a way that is trustworthy. This can feel devastating, break our hearts, and at times depending on who it is or what the offense was, it can create a huge hole in our hearts that we don’t know how to fill. Often times, it’s so big it feels as if it can never be filled or repaired.

Most likely you have a person picked out in your mind as you are listening to this and you may be shaking your head or thinking YES! I do have someone who broke my trust. You are listening with an anticipatory ear for the answer to how to fix it! What do I do to fix it??

Place your hand you’re your heart and take three deep breaths. For real, stop what you are doing (unless your are driving or operating machinery of course) but even if so you can still take in three long, deep, and controlled breaths. Then I want you to say out loud _____________ you broke my trust and I am _______________ by it. Even though I am ____________________ I forgive you.

Take one second and notice what thoughts flood to your brain. I am not forgiving this person for what they did. You just don’t know how badly they hurt me. Or _______ isn’t forgivable.

Or maybe you have the thought I wish I could forgive them. That would be great to forgive them. Then I want you to consider this.

Forgiving is a choice. It is your choice. The even greater point is that YOU and your thoughts are what is preventing YOU from having peace around this break in trust.

Don’t worry, I hear you. Your brain is creating thoughts like “I am not responsible for their behavior.” You are 100 percent correct.

I am not asking you to forget what happened to break the trust you once had. What I am asking you to do is to allow YOU to have peace around the break in trust. Why?? You cannot and never will be able to control what other people do to you or how they show up. Period. End of story. Having control over other people and their actions is an illusion.

If you are like me, you like the idea of control, you like consistency, you love to be shown respect and you want to trust the people you love and care for. Heck, we even expect to be able to trust people we don’t know, love, or care for.

So what is the benefit of forgiving someone who has broken your trust?

We tend to believe this is giving the person who broke our trust a break somehow. They aren’t having to pay for what they did. This may be true.

Understand that I am not advocating that you TRUST this person or step back into whatever situation that you were in. I am simply asking you to consider letting go of the thoughts that are creating the pain in you right now. This gift of forgiveness is a gift to YOU! The other person doesn’t ever have to know.

What are the benefits of letting go and forgiving the hurt and pain that you believe someone else created in your life by breaking your TRUST?

1. You have more room in your brain for more productive thoughts. Often times, when a breach of trust happens, you spend a ton of time reviewing the story in your mind. You tell other people and continue reinforcing how horrible it was. This not only reinforces your disappointment, increases your emotions of anger or sadness, and prevents you from healing. By forgiving the person, it allows your brain to move on to something better. It may or may not involve the other person.
2. It creates more freedom for you to experience a new circumstance that will outshine the negative one. When you are feeling hurt or not trusting you to tend to put up walls, retreat or stay in a safe place. This may look like avoiding interactions with others, or staying clear of the person or place that created your trust issue. However, it also prevents you from having other experiences that may outshine the old one. By forgiving you create space for new.
3. It allows you to be more confident in yourself. Have you ever noticed when someone hurts you or breaks your TRUST, it challenges your belief in your worthiness? We have thoughts like, I am worth more than that. In truth, the person breaking your trust is the one with a with an issue, not you. They typically don’t trust themselves to do what they are supposed to do. That’s exactly why they aren’t trustworthy. You and only you can be sure of your worth. Sure, other people may do things that you “think” show you your worth but if you don’t believe you are worthy, no amount of action by others will make you feel worthy. Don’t depend on another person to give you your worth. You are worthy right now, exactly who you are today. Nobody can give you more worthiness. This is great news, because that also means nobody can take it away. God made you, that is worthiness enough!

If you are having trouble getting to a place where you can forgive someone, I can help you with that. Go to thecrazyconfidencecoach.com and set up a session, and I will help you get to a place where you can find more peace toward someone who broke your trust.

But before we wrap up today’s podcast, let’s talk about one more aspect regarding TRUST. You MUST trust yourself!

To trust yourself you must believe in yourself and in your own abilities. When you believe in yourself you are more confident and more likely to feel positive and know your own value. You don’t need other people to approve of you or accept you because you are content with who you are.

When you do not trust yourself, your confidence tends to be low, and it will ebb and flow with situations that don’t feel good.

What causes lack of TRUST within yourself and hurts your confidence?

1. Not following through on commitments to yourself or others. Whether it’s not eating more than two cookies out of that oreo bag, or not drinking at the holiday party you are attending…every time you make a plan and you don’t follow through you are telling yourself you aren’t trustworthy. If you say you are going to do it, do it. If you aren’t 100 percent sure if you are committed consider not making the plan at all.
2. Second guessing yourself. You are smart, unique, and special. God made you that way. When you have an intuition or a thought about doing something, just do it. So what if it doesn’t work out the way you thought it would. You will get feedback in the form of learning and information to do it better the next time. Second guessing often leads to inaction. Inaction leads to feeling insecure or unworthiness. Nike really does have the best slogan for this. Just do it.
3. Not being honest with yourself or others. Being impeccable with your word. When you aren’t it hurts your confidence. Sometimes, we say or do things out of integrity even without intending to do so. If you find yourself in this situation, correct it and move on. Each time this happens we think a little less of ourselves. Ironically, it also makes us doubt the integrity of others.
4. Your self-talk or the way you talk to yourself. When you beat yourself up each time you make a mistake or pick apart your humanness all the time, you will not trust yourself. Consider this each time you speak to yourself. Would you speak that way to 5-year-old you? If not, do not talk that way to yourself.
5. Comparing yourself to other people. Other people and their lives are great to view for inspiration or examples. But you will never get where you want to go by comparing your story to theirs. You don’t know what chapter they are in. Don’t compare your first chapter to their 20th Conversely, it does you no good to compare your 20th chapter to their 1st. Behind every person, there is a world that you know nothing about. I promise! When you live a life of comparison with others, you will erode your confidence every time.
6. Constantly seeking reassurance from others. I love feedback, I mean who doesn’t. But keep in mind, the more you need from others the more your happiness, TRUST, and confidence depend on outside influence. Find ways to reassure yourself.
7. Lastly, gossiping about others. Talking about people with other people without them in attendance is gossiping. Social sharing with good intention is fantastic when you have the permission to share. Like telling people about The Crazy Confidence Coach Podcast, share away. But ask yourself, is the information going to hurt the person you are speaking about? If so, don’t say it. When we use gossip for attaining power over someone we are typically not speaking with high integrity. You wan to be confident in your abilities to be trustworthy. This will increase your confidence. You may notice that you don’t trust other people when they share or gossip even if the information is juicy and fun to know.

The Question remains can trust be repaired? Trust can be repaired but sometimes that repair is required within yourself.

Want one on one coaching and get to your crazy confident self faster? Go to www.thecrazyconfidencecoach.com to schedule your appointment today!

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