Ep 65 | 4 Signs You are Friends with a Narcissist

But Still, She Thrives - Narcissistic Abuse, Toxic Relationships, Grey Rock Method, Healthy Boundaries, Childhood Abuse, Trauma Healing

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TRANSCRIPT:

Speaker 1: (00:00)
Welcome to, but still she thrives. I'm your host, Christy Jade, and today we are going to talk about discuss four signs. You are friends with a narcissist, dun, dun, dun. Um, sometimes with friendships we wanna skip over things 'cause we love them or we have history with them. But we're gonna get into this week what the signs are that you may have a narcissist as a friend. And next week we will discuss how that can be harmful to you. Pretty dang harmful. So stay tuned, we'll be right back.
Speaker 1: (00:42)
Hey Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal. Now, do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted and mind effed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life. And I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace.
Speaker 1: (01:39)
All right, let's dive in. Four signs. You are friends with a narcissist. So in my own life I have had friends, I can't diagnose anybody, but I've definitely had a friend or two with narcissistic tendencies. And to me, it doesn't matter if you label someone, oh, they are textbook narcissist, or they just have enough qualities of a narcissist that it's not healthy to be in a relationship. So I want us to get away from the idea of that we have to like, they have to have every single trait for it to not be healthy. Um, some of these traits I'm gonna discuss, I'm only only gonna talk about four. There's definitely more. But some of these, even having one of these could be unhealthy in a relationship, right? So you have to discern for yourself, is this trait in this person healthy for me? If this is something today we discuss that you have a friend with one or all of these traits, um, in my own life, those people, I really let them get away with a lot.
Speaker 1: (02:53)
Um, but that was also because I grew up as a child with a narcissist in my life. And so I was used to being treated poorly, um, dismissed, controlled, put down. Um, all of those things. We're not going gonna go into all of that. Maybe I'll share a bigger part of my story one day as an extra episode. But it's important to know if you grew up in that environment, that it's very likely that you may at attract. I wouldn't even say attract. Well, yes, attract in a way of you're, you may be in easier target because though the bigger part of this is that you will accept poor behavior because you may not even know any better. You may not know any different, right? So growing up I just thought that was just kind of part of how people treated people. I didn't, it took me getting into college, being away from family, um, having some healthier people pop up in my life that I realized like, wait, that was really jacked up, man, .
Speaker 1: (04:06)
Um, and even more time to truly see that it, it just wasn't, um, you know, it's not just physical, it's emotional, it's manipulative, it's all of those things. So if you can relate to any of this, whether it's in your past, in your childhood or in a current relationship, um, you, if you take poor treatment from people in your life, you may attract more people because it's easier for narcissists to manipulate people who have big hearts and are empathetic like, like us, right? That we do excuse things. We wanna look at the good. We want to not feel those bad things. 'cause we're, you know, for me, I'm a very happy go lucky person. I want to see people thrive. I want good for everyone. And that can sometimes blind us to, um, ironically putting ourselves last or in bad situations because we want to not squeak the wheel and not, you know, we walk on eggshells with certain people because we're afraid of upsetting them, right?
Speaker 1: (05:21)
With narcissist, that all comes from control and we'll get there. So let's dive in. Number one is lack of empathy. This is, uh, like a telltale sign. It's very common. This is how people define it. Oh, it's a lack of empathy. It's something that is very striking compared to us as empaths, right? They often struggle to understand or acknowledge the feelings of others. If your friend consistently dismisses you, belittles your emotions, even if they write it off as joke. So one of the friends that I'm thinking of with some narcissistic traits, they would put me down a lot, but always with a joke and laughing. And this was also common in some of my extended family where it's just written off a, oh, I'm just joking. You're so sensitive. 'cause if you do get like, well, that's a little far. 'cause I have, I have very thick skin.
Speaker 1: (06:21)
I love to joke. I love sarcasm. I I'm that girl, I'm a tough girl. But they go deeper and they know your spots to push and they will put you down and often disguise it as a joke or just say you are being sensitive, right? And that, that plays into later like gaslighting, manipulation, that sort of thing. Um, but that could be a sign of a narcissist, right? There are other people who don't have empathy, but that's like a, a pretty telltale sign. And you don't always see it. If you're in a new relationship with someone, they may not show that. But eventually that comes out. Number two, the constant need for validation. So a huge thing with narcissists is they need attention. And it's not just like a simple, oh, I didn't get enough hugs. Like there's some people who are attention hungry. It's very deep seated.
Speaker 1: (07:15)
And if you don't know narcissists as much as they come off as confident and cocky, a lot of the times arrogant, deep, deep, deep, deep down of a narcissist is huge insecurities. But they can't even touch it. They don't even know that they don't. I mean, it is so buried under there, but that's why they have this mask. But they need that validation because they sse they are insecure. So if your friend constantly seeks admiration, approval, or praise, this can be shown, especially in their telling great stories about themselves. Like, oh, I did this. You wouldn't believe what happened. Often they will embellish their stories even further to get that satisfaction of attention. And, and they want that. Yes. Oh wow, great job. But like, they love that. And do we all have that, uh, to especially extroverts or more social, socially connected people? Do we all love a little round of applause? Yes. This is much deeper. And the key also is they become upset when they don't receive it.
Speaker 1: (08:25)
So think about that. They come very, they become very upset when they don't receive that attention, which is connected to the control. Number three. This is, this is the like, I don't know, I guess they're all huge, but to me this is such a big sign and something that really differentiates a healthy person from an unhealthy person. I don't care if you wanna call it narcissism or narcissism or not. To me, if someone is like this, I don't want 'em in my life. I don't need to label 'em. I don't care if they're narcissists, if they're a sociopath, if they're just a jerk, I don't care. Manipulative behavior. That's what we're talking about. Now, gaslighting, I have an episode that goes further into gaslighting. I can link. Um, but narcissists may engage. Most of them do, I would say most of them do. And manipulative tactics to control others.
Speaker 1: (09:26)
So if your friend tries to manipulate it again, they can paint it as joking and laughing and oh, do this for me, right? Uses guilt trips. Anyone who uses guilt trips on me is not allowed in my space. Like, I'm just done with that. I did a, I had a lot of guilt trips growing up. I had guilt trips with friendships in my later years. That is one thing, it just doesn't work. I mean, you might try it, but it's never gonna work on me. Like guilt trip just do not work. And they shouldn't work on you 'cause you're a queen, right? So they use situations for themselves, right? So it's like, if they want something, they're gonna try to find the closest people to them, whether that's their partner or their best friend, close friend, whatever. And they're going to try to manipulate it.
Speaker 1: (10:18)
Those people. So whatever they're trying to get works for them, right? They're not thinking how could this affect this person? They're really just trying to get everything to work in their favor and they will play mind games and they will make you even, this is part of the manipulation. And what I didn't realize till I was older was the 'cause narcissists will also try to make you feel very special. Oh, you're the only one who gets me. So a couple narcissists in my life, one family, one friend I can think of use very, this very similar tactic of you're the only one who really gets me. And they do this when they're trying to guilt trip you and manipulate you. It's not just like a random thought. So if you pay attention when they're trying to get something, whether it's attention control, trying to get you to help them in some way, they'll be like, well, I'm coming to you because you know, you're the only person who could really do this.
Speaker 1: (11:20)
Well, you're so good at this. So I thought of you first because you're amazing. But they're trying to get their way and it's a pattern. So again, if there's one-off things here and there, like is, can that be a real thing where you go to a friend like, you're good at makeup. Would you do my makeup for prom or something, right? Like a lot of my, I did makeup for my friends at prom and stuff, right? I'm not talking about that. That's like, you know, this is different. It's a pattern. It's in any situation they can use you for. They use people and they don't care. They pretend they care. And then later you find out they really don't. And it's this awful cycle, right? Of manipulation, guilt trips, they use you, they spit you out, they dismiss you, and then you're back on this quote pedestal.
Speaker 1: (12:09)
So if you know that's the abuse cycle, um, we're not here for that, right? Mm-Hmm. So that, that is a red flag. Manipulation is a red flag no matter how you wanna define it. All right? The fourth one we're gonna talk about again, there's many more. And if you work with me, we go through all of these things. So if you're interested in coaching with me, my information is always, always in the show notes. So check it out. Alright, last one, sense of entitlement. Narcissists generally have an exaggerated sense of entitlement and they believe they deserve special treatment. Look, I always say we're all special, okay? We are all special, we're all queens, but we are not more deserving or better than somebody else. That's the difference, right? Narcissists though, deep, deep down, we know their secret. They do not think they're special. They, and that's where so many people get confused.
Speaker 1: (13:10)
But it, to me, it doesn't matter. An a-holes an a-hole. So we're just not taking this treatment. But if you really wanna dig into the why and the how, deep, deep down they are really, really insecure and they're afraid to even look at that. So they have again, this mask. So they act like and expect special treatment. They have their selves convinced. So not to confuse you, I know it can get like what they ha in this life, in this body. A deep, deep down issue is in there, but they have themselves convinced that they are this amazing above other people. We're all amazing. So we won't say that. But above all others deserving. I'm so unique, no one knows how to do this or that one narcissist in my life. The biggest bragger, every conversation is about how they are so great at this and they did this.
Speaker 1: (14:12)
And I get free this and I do this. Like, I mean, it's just always, I don't, I mean I don't have them in my life anymore, but it is this just vomit of how great they are, right? And they expect people to bow down to them and they need to have that control. So if you notice your friend expects like preferential treatment and is like, oh, when you go out, they're like, oh, I, no, I can't have that. I need to have this. Right? Like, and that's a pattern that's, that's a red flag. Some people are just entitled 'cause that's how they grew up. But that is a narcissistic tendency and trait and it's not cute. And I don't wanna be anyone around anyone like that. Um, so like I said, a lot of these stacked together can equal a narcissist, right? But to me, any of these behaviors are gross and icky and I don't want any of 'em in a friendship, right?
Speaker 1: (15:10)
Um, watch how they treat other people, right? Some people, some of a narcissist can be very charismatic, right? But that can only last so long. They'll usually, it will show up in certain, um, certain situations. It does come out. If you, if you, the closer you are to them, the more you will see it, right? If you're first dating or you're like a kind of an acquaintance, you might be like, what? That person's great and their spouse might be living in pure hell, but they have this charisma or they're like, oh look, yeah, I'm great. And they do act polite. Let's say you're in a group outing. They may act really fun and whatever, and really nice to the wait staff and you know, but that wall has to come down at some point. So the piece people closer to them. And you may be like, oh, that's my husband or something, right?
Speaker 1: (16:07)
You might be listening like, yeah, he, they act like a different person in front of those that aren't as close, um, to put on this image. But they also, at the same time, as you get to know them better, they do expect people to bow down in general, right? And the closer you are, the further you're gonna bow not mean . Can I get a what? What, yes. We're not bowing down anymore. So whether or not your friend is a narcissist, if they have any of these traits level up, come on, trade 'em in. I'm telling you, when you free yourself of people that put you down, bring you down, make you walk on eggshells and worry if you don't do or say the right thing that they're going to dis discard you or just make your life hell. Or you just, you just have that fear of, oh, they're gonna get upset.
Speaker 1: (17:08)
Like that is no way to live with friendships, with family. I don't care who it is. You are better than that. You deserve, we all deserve better than that. And I'm not here for it. That's why I do this podcast, right? So if any of these are in your friendships, you can always have a conversation about it. But if they are, you're probably scared to, 'cause they're probably kind of an a-hole. So they're not gonna take any, um, ridicule or whatever you wanna call it. Well, you could try it as your last, let's, I've really, I've been with this person 10 years. We're friends, we're close. Try to have a conversation. You can, but people with these sort of tendencies, they lack that empathy. They're not gonna wanna see your side, right? The need for validation and control, they feel outta control. If someone's telling them something's wrong with them, God forbid they can't handle that manipulative behavior, they're gonna twist it around on you and say, somehow you cause something sense of entitlement.
Speaker 1: (18:10)
How dare you, who do you think you are coming to me? So the odds are the conversation could not go well. You can always try as your last resort to save a friendship. Sure. But it's a little warning. Speaking of which, I have a boundaries course. I just realized this is connects very well with this. I have an amazing boundaries course. I have a special price on it, so I'll put that in the show notes. Um, I have that as a special price right now because I just really want people to be able to get this. It's, you get to watch it on your own. Every week. A new video drips out. It's 10 videos. It is life changing. If you have people in your life who are like this and you wanna set boundaries, or maybe you want to walk away, but you want to try or moving forward. Maybe you've gotten rid of someone in your life like this, but you're afraid of attracting people that are similar. This course is for you. It's called Empowered Boundaries. I'll put it in the show notes. Um, and, and that's, that's all I got today. Let's do some affirmations. Take a deep breath in. I get passionate. I get all, whew, I gotta decompress for a second. Nice. One more deep breath in.
Speaker 1: (19:29)
I dunno, if you're driving, do not close your eyes. But if you are not, shut your little peeps hand to heart. If you feel like it and repeat after me. I deserve peace. I do not tolerate poor behavior 'cause I'm a queen. Yes, yes you are. You are a queen. I love you guys. I will see you in the next podcast. And if you're not following me on YouTube, follow me. 'cause we're about to uplevel. We're about to do some like mini trainings and recordings, some meditations, all sorts of fun stuff on my YouTube channel. I am, that's, I think is usually in the show notes too. But I will try to highlight it this week so it's easy to find, go follow me on there. Seriously, just about to be, get crazy , I can't talk. But other than that, it's, it's, it's about to get real. We're upleveling together and you deserve the best. You deserve peace and joy and to feel like a queen. So we can do that. All right, love you guys. See you in the next one. Bye.