When a kid who knows diabetes well starts dropping the ball

Sweet Talk for Parents of Kids with Type One Diabetes

There are those shiny kids who know how to do diabetes and have been doing it for years, the kids who feel like diabetes actually makes them special. But even these kids have rough patches when they don’t want to do the job anymore, when they feel like they don’t want to really be “out” with their diabetes.

That’s what I’m talking about this week with Megan. Megan’s son Henry — now 15, diagnosed at 7 and the oldest of four boys — has had a big shift in his diabetes behaviors. Up till now, he’s been really independent with management and Megan has only had to step in to help occasionally or during the night. But she’s noticing changes. Examples: She often can’t read his numbers when he’s at hockey practice — and when she can, he’s sometimes playing low without treating. He’s sometimes walking out of the door with just some skittles in his pocket — no backup supplies in sight. He’s minimizing when she asks about it, saying that he’s “got it.”

Megan wants to do what any mother of a T1D kid wants to do — get him back on track. And she’s very supportive when she talks to him, wondering how she can help. We talk about adding some additional tools to her parenting arsenal: First we look at getting more curious about his experience, understanding better where the shift is coming from and what’s making it hard for him to manage more effectively. Megan knows and suspects that some of this comes from shifts he’s experiencing in his hockey cohort in particular, but also knows that he’s struggling in general. After we talk about her getting curious, we look at the tool of validating, noting that it is so hard for him and so understandable that he’s struggling. Meeting him in this place is a powerful way for him to feel better understood and heard. Ultimately, it’s a way to keep communicating her care and concern, without creating conflict around diabetes.

We also looked at parenting choices she might make: She might create some containment around diabetes management by involving her son’s coach, but I note that getting that kind of outside intervention with a teenager has a lot to do with the needs and sense of independence of the kid: If a child will feel like they are being well supported when a parent makes that move, it’s a perfect choice. But sometimes our teens need to try to course correct on their own. As parents, it’s a delicate balance to figure it out.

Enjoy the show!