Dealing with Other People’s Defenses

Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Forrest and Dr. Rick tackle the tricky topic of dealing with other people’s psychological defenses. It’s often easier to see other people’s defenses than to see our own, which can make them particularly frustrating to deal with. In this episode, Rick and Forrest explore the psychological and communication skills that will allow you to have more successful conversations.

They start with a quick summary of what psychological defenses are and how they operate, before talking about recognizing our biases, showing empathy, and establishing a productive tone. Rick explains how to break the cycle of counterattacks that can happen when people get defensive, and how to balance different needs for closeness and distance. Topics include effective communication skills, moving from criticism toward values, managing frustration, and helping other people become more self-aware.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction, psychological defenses recap

3:40: Why can’t we see other people’s defenses?

10:35: Recognizing our own vulnerabilities, and showing empathy

14:20: Setting the tone

20:10: Disrupting the cycle of counterattacks

24:20: Approaching differing needs for closeness and distance

31:15: Joining with empathy before escalating requests

38:55: A mutual orientation toward growth

41:45: Seeing openings for dialog when they present themselves

43:40: Basing dialog around values vs. criticism

47:40: Managing frustration

53:25: Is there any way to help others become more self-aware?

1:01:35: Recap

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